To audience is not to beta: Two Texts to Compare

[petra]

blythely asked what was meant by the word "audience" and I thought it might be better to show than to tell.

Exhibit A is brown_betty audiencing -- not betaing -- my JBBS pinch-hit, Homemade Volcanoes. Notable in her style of reaction are her enthusiasm, her general lack of critique with some minor exceptions, and her consistent timely response to something that was being written as she read.


8:00:37 PM Petra: The call for the Teen Titans couldn't have gone out at a more inconvenient time. Donna's doing some Amazon thing with Wonder Woman for the weekend and the Flash is sick, which means that Wally's home taking care of his city by himself, plus it's a national holiday in Atlantis, so there's no way Garth can make it.

That means that Robin gets to the rendezvous point -- in Iowa, of all places -- at the same time as Speedy, and they kind of look at each other. "Hey," Speedy says, "didn't we used to have, like, superheroes on the team?" He's kind of afraid that Robin will take it the wrong way, but it's cool.

Robin laughs and punches him in the shoulder. "Sure, but they're all busy. So it's just us heroes, I guess."

Heroes. Something like that, yeah. "Against -- what was the call?"

"A big slime monster that dissolves cars. Attacking parking lots in Des Moines."

"Parking lots?" Speedy rubs his hand across his face. "I'm not sure I have an arrow for a slime monster."

Robin nods. "Maybe we need a big salt-shaker arrow, or, um, baking soda grenades, if it's an acid monster."

"Wait, no," Speedy says, trying to think of the chemistry he knows, "because what if it's a caustic monster?"
8:01:38 PM Betty: Good question! What about that, mr. trained-by-the-world's-greatest-detective?
8:01:50 PM Petra: "Um --" Robin taps his fingers on his armor. "Maybe a restaurant supply place." He looks around. "There's a phone booth." He takes off.

"Great!" Speedy follows him, and it should be weirder to be running down a street in Iowa following a kid in a bright yellow cape, but life's like that. "Gonna change clothes and come out as Superman?"

"I wish," Robin says, and he flips through the phonebook at top speed. "Restaurant -- supply -- got it. We'd better call ahead." He opens a pocket of his utility belt and pulls out a dime.

Speedy shakes his head. "Man, I gotta join your home-team, Robin-o. I have to bring my own petty cash half the time."

"Shhhh," Robin says, and then, "Hello? Oh, good, I got the right number. This is Robin, of the Teen Titans. We're here to help with the slime monster. Can you deliver, um -- all the baking soda and vinegar you have to the affected area, now, and charge it to us? Ha! In separate cars, yes. Please -- thank you very, very much." Robin hangs up. "They said about ten minutes. We have to get there."
8:02:47 PM Betty: This happens to them all the time in Des Moines.
8:03:08 PM Petra: Sure. Something like that.
8:03:50 PM Petra: Speedy nods, and then he thinks of something super cool. "Hey -- if you get to make the phonecall, can I fly the jet?"

"Okay, okay." Robin tosses him the keys. "Here."

"Neato!" On the way back to the jet, Speedy says, "So what's the plan?" Because sure, he could probably think of something, but it's Robin, so --

"Well, first we'll try the baking soda, because it might help, and if that doesn't work -- well, then the vinegar."

Speedy wrinkles his nose. "I hope the baking soda works, because otherwise this town is going to stink to high heaven."

Robin swings into the co-pilot's seat and fishes in his utility belt again. "Here -- noseplug."

"It has a bat on it," Speedy says, but he puts it on. It pinches, but it doesn't hurt. He kind of wishes he had more Arrow toys, or at least better designed ones. "I feel like I should be talking like Ollie's friends, all snooty and stuff."

"I know," Robin says. "All 'Daaahling, so glaaaad you could be heah,' and they're not even English. Just from Boston."

"So the baking soda -- we should -- shake the box really hard?"
8:05:18 PM Betty: I love this kitchen warfare. It's so period.
8:05:28 PM Petra: *grins* Thank you.
8:07:17 PM Petra: Robin thinks a few seconds. "We can drop the crates out of the jet."

"But that's a really small hit, maybe. How big is the -- oh god."

The slime monster is covering about half a parking lot. Robin whistles. "I wish Aqualad were here. He might be able to dilute it."

"I wish Kid Flash were here," Speedy says. "He could get it all swept up."

"But it's us." Robin puts his hand out, and Speedy gives him a high five. "We can do this."

It would be lame to admit that he's kind of freaked out over a monster that thought it was a good idea to eat Buicks in Des Moines, so he doesn't. "Right. We can do this. Let's get the baking soda and go really, really high, and I'll shoot the box on the way down so it disperses a lot."

"Great. Park the jet here."

Speedy's landing isn't perfect, which is totally not his fault -- they should let him practice more often, and he'd be okay.
8:07:33 PM Petra: I think the term I am looking for here is 'Deeply Fucking Goofy.'
8:07:40 PM Petra: I feel like I'm *jamjar* writing this.
8:07:56 PM Betty: Well, it's working!
8:07:58 PM Petra: Good.
8:08:00 PM Betty: So you know, go with it!
8:15:34 PM Petra: Speedy's landing isn't perfect, which is totally not his fault -- they should let him practice more often, and he'd be okay. The restaurant supply guys are wearing little chef hats, which makes him feel a little less conspicuous about the whole hero get-up.

Not that it matters right now, because many brave Iowans are losing their cars to the Creeping Crud, and nobody's critiquing his outfit. They load up the jet with a whole lot of baking soda and a couple fifty-five gallon drums of vinegar, and it whines a little doing the VTOL thing this time, but it still goes up and up and up some more.

"Okay, put on the autopilot," Robin says when the slime monster is way, way down there. Speedy sets it and they both run to the cargo area. "Okay, I'll push out the first crate of baking soda on three, and you shoot it -- um -- about three hundred yards up."

"Three hundred yards." Speedy can feel the scared-part coming on, along with the excited part. "Right. I -- right." He nocks an arrow.

Robin sets his shoulder against the crate. "One -- two -- three!" The crate plummets like a very, very heavy thing, and Speedy watches it, trying to get a fix. He shoots --

The crate goes into bits as soon as he shoots it, and it's snowing baking soda all over the parking lot.

The slime monster is all white and fluffy, like it's Christmas in a movie filmed in southern California, but it's moving onto a Cadillac now.

"Oh, man," Robin says. "I need your help rolling the vinegar, okay?"

Speedy nods and helps him tip the stubborn thing over. "Same height?"
8:16:32 PM Betty: Oh man. Is their plan to purry the monster under foam>? Cuz that's what's going to happen.
8:16:42 PM Petra: Uh.
8:16:47 PM Petra: It's going to work because I said so.
8:17:49 PM Petra: The foam is just to be cute. Because -- er -- because it's a Teen Titans adventure, and baking soda volcanoes make me smile.
8:18:13 PM Betty: Okay.
8:18:30 PM Petra: Do we *need* sane chemistry for a babyTitans fic?
8:18:36 PM Petra: Because that would make me sad.
8:19:01 PM Betty: Sorry, I have a pesky nit-picking mind.
8:19:04 PM Petra: I *know* the chemistry doesn't make any fucking sense.
8:19:06 PM Petra: Um.
8:19:19 PM Petra: Maybe the reaction -- thing -- something.
8:19:20 PM Petra: Whatever.
8:19:49 PM Betty: You could knock open a fire hydrant, for easy plausible deniability, givit it a rinse.
8:19:58 PM Petra: Hmm.
8:26:20 PM Petra: Speedy nods and helps him tip the stubborn thing over. "Same height?"

"Yeah." Robin's all flushed from shoving the baking soda around, and it makes Speedy think how weird it is that Wonder Chick is the real muscle on the team, not red-blooded American boys like them -- but they can make the barrel roll, and Robin can push it by himself now that it's on its side.

It falls faster than the baking soda, and Speedy has a hell of a time getting the arrow into it before it's too low. It's spinning in the air, and -- there --

The first gouts of vinegar hit the monster and there's this really high-pitched screaming noise. Then the barrel hits and bursts.

The noise it makes is FWOOOOOMPH.

There is foam all over Everything In The World.

Or at least all over the parking lot, and all the storefronts, and it's a good thing the jet's pretty high, because it seems like it should come all the way up to them.

"Um," Robin says, peering out the cargo hatch. "Is it gone?"

"This was your plan," Speedy says, shading his eyes and looking as hard as he can. "I have no idea."
8:26:28 PM Petra: "Well -- maybe we need more vinegar."

"Okay. Maybe." They wrestle the other drum of vinegar down.

He manages to shoot this one higher up, and the vinegar goes even farther, and there's another huge KAFWOOOOOM.

More foam. Foam everywhere. There should be a use for all the foam.

Then there's a siren, and the fire department shows up at the edge of the bubble cloud. They wade through some of the foam and find a fire hydrant.

"Boy, did we make a mess," Speedy says, watching the firemen clean up.

"Yeah," Robin says. "I made one of those volcanoes once and it got on the rug."

"Oh, man."

"Alfred was pretty mad. I mean -- well, he kind of twitched his eyebrow."

Speedy shakes his head. "I bet the mayor is gonna do more than eyebrow-twitch at us for this one."

"Maybe," Robin says, "but I don't see the slime monster anymore."
8:27:20 PM Betty: Good thing the Titans were there! NOt just anyone can use restaurant supplies!
8:27:28 PM Petra: *giggles*
8:28:10 PM Petra: I know, I know, it's *completely dorky.*
8:28:22 PM Petra: But I got denied the ability to write the circlejerk, so --
8:29:13 PM Betty: Dammit, if you can't have a circle jerk, you can have a science fair!
8:29:31 PM Petra: now I wish I could call it "With Science!"
8:30:12 PM Betty: REally, the lame title possibilities are endless.
8:30:33 PM Petra: Yes.
8:30:52 PM Petra: I am trying to figure out whether to include conciliatory making out with incredibly bad metaphors for boy orgasm.
8:31:28 PM Betty: Aaahaaahaa! Well. Um. Everyone likes making out?
8:31:32 PM Petra: Sure.
8:31:40 PM Petra: It's just the incredibly bad metaphors I'm not sure about.
8:32:24 PM Betty: Ah, I see. Difficult choice.
8:32:29 PM Petra: Not really.
8:32:31 PM Petra: it's babyTitans.
8:32:39 PM Petra: They taketh away my shame.
8:40:50 PM Betty: It's not a useful appendage anyway.
8:45:04 PM Petra: The foam is clearing -- and they're probably using all the water in Iowa to do it, and, yeah, no keys to the city this time, but there's no slime either.

"You know what?" Speedy says, watching the drifts of bubbles float out of the parking lot and down Main Street. "I think we should just go home."

"Yeah." Robin pulls the cargo hatch shut. "Rest on our laurels."

"We can call the mayor -- later."

"Next week."

Speedy nods. "After all the foam is gone."

"Maybe next month, then," Robin says.

"But not right now." Speedy starts for the cockpit again.

"No." Robin is right behind him. "We could go home and make a baking soda volcano."

Speedy snickers. "Haven't you had enough messy explosions for the day?"

"Your hands were shaking when you fired the first shot."

Speedy turns around and stares him down. Sometimes it's the best thing in the known universe to be taller than Robin. He at least wins that battle, even if he loses at everything else, including being cool.
8:48:52 PM Betty: Aww...! They're so cute, Petra! Make them snog!
8:48:58 PM Petra: yes'm.
8:52:59 PM Petra: It stinks to be less cool than a guy wearing pixie boots.

"I still made the shot," Speedy says, and he can look down his nose at Robin if he tilts his head back enough.

"Yeah. You were so -- so focused." Robin is staring at him.

Staring -- at his mouth.

One of those days.

"I -- um -- oh --" Speedy's not winning this one. Not at all, unless you count being pinned against the wall of a jet and kissed hard winning.

It's really weird how much Robin doesn't smell like sweat until Speedy remembers the noseplug and pulls it off.

Then everything smells like vinegar and like sweat, and Robin's laughing and kissing him again. "You sure you're done with explosions for the day?"

"Not yet." Speedy pushes Robin's trunks down and groans when Robin fights his tights down, too. "Oh -- god you feel good."
8:53:27 PM Betty: Aw... I hope the jet is on the ground?
8:53:51 PM Petra: Autopilot.
8:56:02 PM Betty: Mile high club! If they had that then, which I'm not sure.
8:56:08 PM Petra: Got me.
9:08:47 PM Petra: Robin tosses his glove aside and wraps his hand around both of them. Speedy feels his eyes roll back in his head at the feeling -- his dick, his fingers, everything's just so hot and his hands are shaking, again. Robin kisses him again and says, "God, touch me -- oh --"

Robin's hands are shaking, and Speedy is winning this one -- especially because he's thrusting into their hands and against Robin, and the adrenaline from earlier is just making him pant harder, but he's not the only one, and Robin's as red as his uniform.

"That's -- right there --" Speedy says, and he really, really doesn't want to live up to his codename, because that's not how you win this game, but Robin's thumb right behind the head of his dick makes him shout and shudder. His muscles are buzzingng like he got baking soda and vinegar in his blood and they're mixing now. He comes hard, trying not to make any more nosise than he has to, because making noise means not hearing Robin.

"You feel so good," Robin says, and Speedy has to kiss him before he says anything else, anything more than an incoherent moan while he tightens his hand and jerks himself another couple of times and comes all over Speedy's shirt.

"Oh, man," Speedy says, and they let each other go fast.

"I guess it's our day to make a big old mess, huh?" Robin's blushing and not quite meeting his eyes.

"I guess."
9:08:57 PM Petra: Robin looks at his hand ruefully and wipes it on his tunic, which is way sticky anyhow. "Good thing I've got a spare uniform in the hold."

"You've got what?" Speedy stares at him. "That is so not fair."

Robin shrugs. "They get ripped all the time. You know."

"Yeah, but --" Speedy rolls his eyes. "I have to mend mine, most of the time, and I don't want to come to a Titans thing looking all hand-me-down."

"I've got a set of civvies, too," Robin offers.

Speedy laughs. "They're so not going to fit. You're all -- skinny."

Robin sticks his tongue out at Speedy. "I'm wiry, you jerk."

"Right, but -- just -- and I'm taller than you."

Robin snickers. "By what, a quarter inch?"

"Way more than that!"

"Fine, you can't borrow my pants then."

Speedy sniffs. "Like I'd want to anyway."

Robin kisses his cheek, too fast to dodge.
9:09:46 PM Betty: Aw...
9:09:50 PM Betty: They're SO CUTE
9:10:13 PM Petra: Well. Probably it would have been, if Speedy had bothered to try. "You can borrow my varsity jacket, too."

Speedy grabs him in a headlock. "Take that back so we can get home."

"Aw, come on!" Robin trips him and they roll around on the floor until they end up kissing again. "I want your class ring."

"Oh." Speedy laughs. "You gonna put it on a necklace?"

"Maybe. It might even fit me."

Speedy takes his hand and laces their fingers together while he pretends to be gauging the size of Robin's fingers. "Maybe."

"Only one way to find out."

Speedy kisses him. "I'll bring it next time. If you bring your jacket."

Robin grins. "You're on. But we'd better get home."

"Yeah, we'd better."
9:10:38 PM Petra: ...now it needs a title.
9:10:58 PM Betty: Go for the obvious chemistry pun, I say.
9:11:07 PM Petra: Which obvious chem pun?
9:12:45 PM Betty: eh, I dunno, "Explosive Reaction"
9:13:19 PM Petra: *snickers*
9:20:33 PM Petra: Neutralization is actually the appropriate term.
9:23:22 PM Petra: Eruptions or Homemade Volcanoes?
9:26:11 PM Betty: How the Titans did not win first Prize in the Des Moins Science Fair.
9:26:17 PM Petra: *snickers*
9:26:24 PM Petra: That might be the *summary.*
9:26:30 PM Betty: Eeehee!
9:26:52 PM Petra: Summary: How Robin and Speedy completely failed to win first prize at the Des Moines, Iowa Science Fair.
9:27:07 PM Petra: Homemade Volcanoes it is.
9:27:24 PM Betty: M'kay.
9:27:30 PM Petra: With that summary? Totally.


Exhibit B is brown_betty beta-reading part of Liminal Spaces via IM. The text she was reading had already been created, and was something like the third-generation draft of that particular scene. Notable in her responses to the text are her willingness to critique its tone, her feeling of freedom to suggest rephrasings of sections, and her engagement in the creative process. She had already beta-read the previous stories in the series and had made holistic comments on those as well.


10:07:51 PM Petra: Hi, dear.
10:08:28 PM Betty: Hullo! How are you doing?
10:08:35 PM Petra: I'm okay.
10:08:54 PM Petra: Tired. Had a great party. Am now editing, um, what may be the end of the thing you've been so patiently betaing.
10:09:25 PM Betty: oh! You've got them to behave rationally? Alternatly, a double suicide pact?
10:09:29 PM Petra: Er --
10:09:35 PM Petra: I'll show you, but the smut needs work.
10:09:48 PM Betty: okay.
10:10:25 PM Petra: i was half asleep by that point and it's really -- nondescript.
10:10:32 PM Petra: Or, I'll edit it more, and then show you.
10:11:33 PM Betty: Well, whatever you prefer, but I don't mind reading around [insert smut here] or [and then they fuck] or whatever.
10:12:20 PM Petra: 'kay. Shall I spam you?
10:12:28 PM Betty: Yes please!
10:12:38 PM Petra: There's part of Dick that wants to cower at his tone, but that's not happening, and part that wants to just give in and keep playing games. There are worse games in the world. But -- no. It's hard to reach out to him, to put his hand on Bruce's shoulder. Bruce never invites touch, but his defenses are up now. "Are you done playing games?"

Bruce smiles, sharp in the shadows, but his voice is still forbidding. "The roles won't go away."

"Then -- can we play for keeps?"

Bruce runs a hand through his hair. "Dick --"

Dick squeezes his shoulder. "Just -- be everyone. Be them all at once, or keep playing, but -- I'm done playing along unless I get some time-outs."

"This is a mask, too."

"I know, but -- it's a lot more real than the other ones." Dick reaches up and touches his cheek. He can't help but think how real Bruce feels, how the tiny shifts of expression mean more, here, than anything over-exaggerated in a penthouse apartment could ever mean.

"More lifelike?" Bruce catches his hand and kisses his palm, his thumb. It makes him shiver hard. It's suggestive, and Bruce isn't pushing him away. "The illusion works."

"It's a perfect game, Bruce."
10:12:52 PM Petra: Bruce puts an arm around him with a swirl of cape and kisses him, hard at first like Batman, lingering like Bruce Wayne, and insistent like all of them. He clings to Bruce's shoulders and kisses him back, fast, breathless, and dizzy with relief. "Hm. We'll have to see how long the façade lasts," he says against Dick's neck.

"You're infuriating," Dick says, and bites his ear. "You made me fall in love with Bruce Wayne."

"God," Bruce says, and he has the grace to sound a little choked. "I thought you had better taste than that."

"You kept teasing me," Dick says, and unfastens bits of the batsuit. "It was the only time I ever got to see you, in flickers, through him -- and I -- god, I can't stand it anymore."

"I -- didn't think you'd want him that badly." Bruce shivers -- not the way Batman would, with Dick's hand on him, but not a show, either.

"I never did. And I didn't want Batman. I wanted you." Dick kisses him hard, and Bruce leans into it, against him, until they're both breathless and Dick has to stop, has to breathe. "I know -- it's just another set of lies -- but they're closer to the truth, dammit."

"Dick," Bruce says, again, and kisses him. "You'd be safer with them."

Dick laughs at him. "I can't do safe. Kiss me -- damn it, I can't believe I'm used to kissing you and I never even got you to say my name. Except that once."

Bruce keeps him at a little distance for a moment. "This isn't the best place."

"Alfred --"

Bruce raises an eyebrow. "Is doubtless asleep."

"God, I --" Dick clings to him a little more. "I want you like this. I want -- all of you."

Bruce gives him a narrow-eyed look.

"Please," Dick says.
10:14:01 PM Betty: LOVE "God," Bruce says, and he has the grace to sound a little choked. "I thought you had better taste than that."
10:14:14 PM Petra: *wins*
10:15:04 PM Betty: But really, what made him think Dick had *taste*? Not kicking puppies is good enough for him.
10:15:14 PM Petra: *giggles*
10:15:35 PM Petra: I think he *hoped* Dick had better taste than that.
10:15:51 PM Betty: True. Bruce tried hard to be obnoxious.
10:16:03 PM Petra: Bruce lets him go -- somewhat -- and starts for the stairs, with Dick only just far enough away to follow safely.

"Aren't you going to change?" Dick asks.

"Why?" Bruce pauses at the top of the stairs and Dick steals another kiss.

"Cave. Manor. Thing." Dick pulls him close by the back of his belt. "God, do that again."

"Dick," Bruce says, "wait."

"I've been waiting," Dick says, and pushes him against the wall, falling to his knees.

Bruce gives him a perplexed look, but really, it's hard to complain with Dick doing *that,* and he manages an arched eyebrow before he fists one hand, hard, and tangles the other -- in its gauntlet -- in Dick's hair.

He tastes like Bruce and Batman, like everyone he's ever been or could be, and the silence -- broken only by a harsh breath, when he can't pretend, anymore, that he's not feeling this -- is perfectly himself. And if Bruce doesn't say anything except his name, hoarse and so soft maybe no one could hear if they weren't listening as hard as Dick is -- then that's okay.

When he's done -- and all he says, but more than once, is, "Dick --" -- Bruce pulls him back to his feet and kisses him, hard as Batman, thorough as Bruce Wayne.

Dick just clings to him. "I -- I hope you know how much I love you."

Bruce pets his hair more gently. "I can make a rough estimate." He kisses Dick again and disentangles. "Bed, first."

Dick grins briefly. "Traditionalist."
10:17:17 PM Betty: Rough estimate. God. Bruce. Pls stop being a jerk kthxbye.
10:17:36 PM Petra: he's Bruce, though.
10:17:48 PM Petra: But he doesn't complain -- even though it's funny to sneak through the manor following almost-Batman-not-Bruce-Wayne, and the cape sounds entirely out of place; even though they don't even turn on the lights.

Until the bedroom, where Bruce Wayne had intriguing lighting installed, and is unafraid to use it. Even with a cape crumpled on the floor. At that point, Dick is almost prepared to admit it was worth the walk. Especially when Bruce starts getting undressed, piece by piece, and it's beautiful and bizarre and all of his scars are showing.

Not that they didn't before, but now he's allowed to notice. To touch them. To push Bruce onto his back and bite at those scars, and Bruce lets himself -- breathe.

Dick's hands are shaking so much that he can't manage two buttons and a zipper, but Bruce helps him out of his clothes, leaving them crumpled on the floor. "I feel naked," Dick says when he drops the second sock.

Bruce draws the lines of his mask. No, Robin's. "You never are."

"With you?" Dick kisses him again, again, because they've done this, and they've never done this. "Yes, I am."

"It's not safe," Bruce says.

Dick pushes his hands away and pins him down -- not that Bruce is trying to get away. "Living with you never was."
10:18:11 PM Petra: (The smut, as I noted, is iffy. But there is dialogue to go with, when I manage to make it actual smut.)
10:18:28 PM Petra: "This is less so."

"I'll take my chances." Dick works on what will be a truly impressive hickey on a chest scar.

"You should be more careful."

"Bruce --" Dick puts a hand over his mouth. "This is where I want to be."

Bruce twists away. "For how long?"

"As long as I can see you under the masks." Dick licks his ear. "And if you shut me out -- you're not who I think you are." He rolls away, then pauses. "Which drawer?"

Bruce sighs. "Both."

"And people say Clark's the Boy Scout."

"Hm," is all Bruce says to that. And all he should say.

Dick finally comes to terms with the bed when he's got the proper accoutrements in hand and turns back to look at Bruce, scarred and spread and -- really, truly naked. For once, he looks a little worried.

"The mood lighting is pretty good," Dick says, and licks his nipple.

"Glad you approve," Bruce says, his voice taut.

"I want this." Dick slicks his fingers. "And I -- I just can't stop looking at you."

Bruce narrows his eyes. "Is it that novel?"

"You're the one with the romantic tracklights."

"Granted." Bruce reaches for his not-sticky hand. Dick has to pull away.
10:20:32 PM Betty: romantic tracklights? oh dear.
10:20:44 PM Petra: It's Brucie's bedroom *too.*
10:20:58 PM Petra: "You -- not now, I really -- please." Dick shivers and presses a finger into him, which makes Bruce bite his lower lip. "I can't think about that and wait."

"That's a shame," Bruce says, and -- he doesn't sound like Batman. Not at all. And he's not teasing, not light, just -- naked.

It makes Dick shudder again, because naked, honest Bruce is -- really -- novel. "I love you. And god, I want this."

Bruce spreads a little more. "All that practice -- has paid off."

Dick laughs, and there may be an edge of hysteria there. "Only you could figure out a way to practice enough to make a first time perfect."

It makes Bruce smile -- mostly in the eyes, but -- it's Bruce. He's smug. "It will be worthwhile."

Not for the first time, Dick's glad he knows how to perform It has to be impeccable and he's never done this before, never seen the way Bruce's mouth tightens at the corners with what he won't let himself feel -- or the way he relaxes into it, and opens his eyes again, with that conscious slow breathing that's entirely, utterly, on purpose. He's done most of the scariest things in his life with Bruce watching, and -- really, touching him deserves to be on the list, even with all the practice.
10:21:10 PM Petra: And making love to him -- because it deserves the flowery word, because it can't possibly be anything else -- is a lot less important than the other scary things. It won't change anything -- except the way Bruce moves, and the way he sounds, and the way he breathes. Dick has Batman's voice in his head telling him not to narrow his focus so much, but he has Bruce under him, around him, pulling him closer, making a tiny little noise that begs him to forget everything else.

"You feel wonderful," Dick says, and he sounds shaky, stupid, lost.

That gasp -- Bruce chuckles. "So understated, Dick."

"No -- I --" Words are too difficult. "You do."

Bruce squeezes his shoulder. "I love you, too."

It makes Dick open his eyes -- but it's not a joke, for once. Not a smirk. Just Bruce, wry and affectionate. "Oh. God."

"I thought you knew." Bruce gives him a crooked smile.

"Sometimes." Dick strokes him, takes his hand, kisses his palm.

Bruce arches towards him, breathing harder. "Don't forget."

"I -- god --" Dick wants to stare forever, feel this forever, but there's no way he can even think for another moment, and it was all supposed to be perfect and he's coming so hard, and Bruce --

-- is smiling at him, when he opens his eyes, and it's easy to make him gasp for breath and lose the smile in a shiver, a quick, harsh shudder, and a choked-off moan that's a sound Dick has never heard him make before.

"God, Bruce," Dick says, when he gets his breath back. "That was --"

Bruce shakes his head. "Come here." It's too stern. Not stern enough. The vertigo is going to have to pass soon.

"I'm a mess," Dick says, but he's not going to refuse an invitation to hug Bruce, much less a demanding kiss. "And -- god."

"You always did best with hands-on practice," Bruce says, rubbing his back.
10:22:12 PM Betty: Don't forget, now, because you'll be hearing it again in 2045, when I'm forty.
10:22:28 PM Petra: Right.
10:24:51 PM Petra: and --
10:25:17 PM Petra: I had some conversation after that, but Jamjar doesn't want it to be an unremittingly tidy-and-happy ending, so I am not sure what to do with them before they fall asleep.
10:27:00 PM Betty: Ah. Well, my thoughts on this is that it's still a bit too romantic for those two. The things Bruce feels strongest he's not able to say. I mean, Bruce telling Alfred he loves him?

Bruce: Alfred, I hope you've checked the oil in the Bentley.
10:27:09 PM Petra: *grumbles*
10:27:13 PM Petra: Yes but *dammit.*
10:27:22 PM Petra: Every now and then, he has to say *something.*
10:27:31 PM Petra: I know what you mean, but -- but -- god.
10:28:42 PM Betty: And also, I expect Dick to be stubborn, and hopeful, and excited, but still a little... unwilling really to rely on Bruce. I mean, he's usually an optimist, but I think Bruce has taught him not to expect affection.
10:29:13 PM Petra: *sighs*
10:29:20 PM Petra: I begin to think this story can't be written.
10:29:46 PM Betty: [pets you] It's good though! Really good! Um. If anyone can write it, you can?
10:29:55 PM Petra: But it's not good enough.
10:31:16 PM Petra: And -- if Dick didn't rely on Bruce, at base, he wouldn't be there.
10:31:52 PM Betty: Well, you could maybe just leave a couple of things out?

"Bruce, you know how much I lo--" Bruce places his hand across his mouth, and Dick grabs it.

"I-- I know Dick, you don't have to--" Dick grabs his hand and pulls it away, frustrated.

"Bruce! Let me say it!"

"Dick... there's no need. I do... I. Me too."
10:32:03 PM Petra: *peers*
10:32:07 PM Petra: Yes, but -- but --
10:32:17 PM Petra: He's let Dick say that, before. To Brucie, anyway.
10:33:05 PM Petra: and i really want him to be broken enough to admit it.
10:33:14 PM Petra: "ditto" just doesn't cut it.
10:34:23 PM Petra: He's put Dick through seven kinds of hell. If he just shuts him up --
10:34:38 PM Petra: Well, I don't think Dick would take that.
10:34:50 PM Betty: No, ditto is lame, too. Well, maybe,

"Bruce! Let me say it!" Bruce takes his hand down, bringing Dick's with it, and holds it tight. "Bruce?"

"I thought you wanted to say something."

"Motherfucker," says Dick. "I love you."

Bruce closes his eyes isn something Dick knows is nothing like his expression of pain.
10:35:00 PM Petra: *laughs!*
10:35:21 PM Petra: See, that's why I went the GK17 route.
10:36:15 PM Petra: Because otherwise Dick would knee him in the groin.
10:36:37 PM Betty: Mm. Yeah. I just... no, for me Bruce would rather be raked over coals, because a) no one has told him they loved him since his parents died, and b) he told his parents he loved them, and they died.
10:36:53 PM Petra: a) yeah, Dick has.
10:37:13 PM Petra: b) -- yes but if he doesn't say it, really, Dick's going to be mad at him.
10:37:42 PM Petra: I can see B from here, but -- owww.
10:37:46 PM Betty: Well, okay, but Bruce didn't think he deserved that, since he's been lusting after Dick. And man, Bruce has confused feelins about Dick, enough.
10:38:09 PM Betty: No, I think Bruce has to say it, but it shouldn't be romantic, it should be *devastating* and *painful*
10:38:14 PM Petra: yes but -- but -- but --
10:38:21 PM Petra: *headdesks*
10:38:27 PM Petra: I just want them to be happy!
10:38:31 PM Betty: *slips cushion under*
10:39:05 PM Betty: Pain isn't the opposite of happy. Just a little stretching of the scar tissue.
10:39:07 PM Petra: devastating and painful and he wouldn't *want* to be in love with Dick.
10:39:22 PM Betty: No, but he wants Dick to be happy, and he's not stupid.
10:39:26 PM Petra: he doesn't, ever, want to be in love with Anybody but especially not someone that important.
10:39:35 PM Petra: But --
10:39:37 PM Petra: I don't know.
Betty went idle (10:41:02 PM)
10:41:25 PM Betty: "Bruce?"

"I... Yes."

"What?" he tries to slide his hand out of Bruce's but it's too tight. "Yes what?"

"Yes. Yes everything. I... Dick. You're everything. I don't. Don't ever. I don't know how to--" Bruce opens his eyes. "I love you," he says, and his whole body shudders. "Don't let me hurt you. Please."
10:41:35 PM Petra: oh dear.
10:41:52 PM Petra: Well, that's definitely painful.
10:42:20 PM Betty: Sorry. That's how I see them, though. Romance doesn't ring true for me.
10:42:41 PM Petra: *flails*
10:42:41 PM Betty: Or at least, not the sort that's *easy*
10:43:07 PM Petra: yes, but they've been practicing being in love, too.
10:44:37 PM Betty: Yeah, but they've, in a sense, been practising the forms, and not the essence.
10:44:53 PM Petra: bugger.
10:45:16 PM Petra: but *dammit.*
Betty became active (10:45:49 PM)
10:46:17 PM Betty: I mean, they've realized what they need from each other, and how they feel about each other, and who they are to each other, but that doesn't mean romance.
10:46:40 PM Betty: Aaaaand, I'm sorry, but, if you got them to romance, I'd kind of feel something had been taken away from them.
10:46:45 PM Petra: Stop being right!
10:47:08 PM Betty: Also, the speed of light is very slow! Like fifty miles per hour!
10:47:15 PM Petra: Thanks.
10:48:08 PM Petra: *steals and edits your lines, then*
10:48:14 PM Petra: your brain is a Good Brain.
10:48:37 PM Betty: I'm sorry if I was mean to your story. [pets it.]
10:48:41 PM Petra: No, no.
10:48:44 PM Petra: You're right.
10:48:55 PM Petra: I just wanted sweeter things for them.
10:49:50 PM Petra: 'cause I am a Huge Sap.
10:51:40 PM Betty: For them, sweet is going to be about moving over to make room in the bed when the other comes in tired, and not about declarations. Gestures I think, more than words. Because I also like sap. Bruce could offer to get breakfast in the morning and Dick's all... do you know where the kitchen *is* and Bruce gives him a look and then Dick leans back and looks sexy against the headboard and says, okay, impress me, and Bruce does.
10:52:03 PM Petra: I understand that, but -- but -- but --
10:52:08 PM Petra: I know. You're right.
10:52:12 PM Petra: *goes and edits*
10:52:26 PM Petra: Except Alfred's going to make them pancakes. 'cause.
10:54:06 PM Betty: Well, because pancakes are good. Mmmm. And Alfred totally knows? Or makes them wonder if he totally knows? Or is too bland to guess?
10:54:20 PM Petra: Alfred knew from day 1.
10:54:48 PM Petra: And right now, he's just hoping that they leave each other enough sanity so that they can grow it back.
10:54:51 PM Betty: But does he know that they've stopped being stupid?
10:54:56 PM Petra: Hmm.
10:55:12 PM Petra: I think he'll know that Dick being around the place in civvies is a good sign.
10:55:34 PM Betty: Right, and Bruce not acting like a proffesional moron.
10:55:45 PM Petra: Right.
10:56:30 PM Petra: *eyes the bits of dialogue you wrote*
10:56:38 PM Petra: See -- "Everything.  I... Dick, this is too important. I don't.  Don't ever.  I don't know how to-" Bruce opens his eyes.  "I love you," he says, and his whole body shudders.  "Don't let me hurt you.  Please."
10:56:58 PM Petra: that's much more raw and exposed than what I had.
10:58:14 PM Betty: Well, don't use it if it doesn't feel right to you. It's your story, despite my convictions.
10:58:48 PM Petra: It contrasts nicely with Jamjar's suggestion of Dick pointing out that Bruce can't fuck him up any more than he already has.
10:59:13 PM Petra: I mean -- hm.
10:59:40 PM Petra: My romantic moment, for me, was Bruce still being able to take refuge, a little, in smart-alecky remarks.
11:01:12 PM Petra: *edits*
11:01:20 PM Petra: "This is too important. I don't.  Don't ever.  I don't know how to --" Bruce opens his eyes.  "I love you," he says, and his whole body shudders. "And that's not enough."
11:02:40 PM Betty: True! [gives Bruce gold star for perceptiveness]
11:02:50 PM Petra: Is that better?
11:04:12 PM Betty: Yes, I do like. But I may not be completely unbiased.
11:04:30 PM Petra: I've also been talking to Ny, and she thinks that's a good one.
11:04:51 PM Petra: *tries to work out where it goes*
11:08:04 PM Petra: okay.
11:08:12 PM Petra: I feel a little more resolved and a lot more tired now.
11:08:20 PM Petra: Thank you for your patience. And your smackdown.
11:08:31 PM Betty: I hope it makes you feel better about the story?
11:08:40 PM Betty: Also, no really, my pleasure.
11:09:08 PM Petra: It does.
11:09:15 PM Petra: And you *rock.*
11:09:40 PM Petra: I know you get things in return, like a story that hits your nonromance buttons, but -- hey, it's a winwin.
11:09:40 PM Betty: LC wrote my communist Haikus from L.E.G.I.O.N.!!! Now you and I will not be the only ones making economics jokes on lj.
11:09:46 PM Petra: That's excellent.
11:10:34 PM Petra: Goodnight, in any case, because otherwise I shall keel over onto the keyboard. And thank you.